Can You Hear The Drums, Quinn?
by strawberrymacchiato
Summary: Summary: "I said listen to me!" Rachel screamed, but Quinn just looked at her blankly, a tear rolling down her eye. She closed her eyes and breathed out a sigh, because she could see Rachel's mouth moving, but there was no sound.
1. Chapter 1

Rachel just kept following her. She grabbed onto her arms and spun her around, shouting into her face, soundless, meaningless words. Words that Quinn couldn't hear.

"Answer me! Why won't you answer me! Do you think it's funny that I get slushied every day because of you and now you've decided to go all mute about it!?"

Quinn trembled in her grip, looking away from her face. Rachel bit her lip furiously.

"I swear, Quinn, I'm tired of all your little games, and I will not be the victim of your bullying again!"

Quinn nodded, and felt her face burn up. She couldn't take much more of this.

"QUINN! Are you even listening to me!? LOOK AT ME!"

Suddenly Rachel's hands were on her face and pulling her to face forward, and she could see Rachel's impassioned brown eyes searing into hers.

"I said listen to me!" Rachel screamed, but Quinn just looked at her blankly, a tear rolling down her eye. She closed her eyes and breathed out with a sigh, because she could see Rachel's mouth moving, but there was no sound.

She didn't know what Rachel was saying to her. Not a word. So she whispered back, with a quiver in her voice.

"I can't hear you."

"What do you mean, you can't hear me!? I've been screaming at your face for the past ten minutes and you think you can pretend you've gone deaf on me or something? Alright, Quinn, what time is it? What's my name? Who are you?"

Slowly Quinn opened her eyes and gently detached Rachel's palms from her cheeks.

"Would you stop it? Just answer me, stop playing these games already!"

Quinn stood there, watching Rachel's lips curve into an impatient frown. When she didn't respond Rachel's expression faltered.

"Quinn?"

Rachel gripped her arms again.

"Quinn..." Rachel's mouth twitched and the colour drained from her face.

"Quinn you can hear me, right?"

Quinn watched her face soften.

"Quinn?"

The tears kept sliding down her cheeks, and all she could do was try to smile, to try and put on a brave face.

"Quinn, answer me, please? Quinn, please say you can hear me? Just once, that's all I ask, ok? Quinn?"

Now Rachel was tearing up. Quinn slid her hand down to Rachel's and gripped tight.

"Quinn! Please! I'm sorry! Please, just tell me you understand what I'm saying! What's my name? What names do you call me!? Oh God, I'd even settle for a slushie, could you just say yes, you'll slushie me?"

Quinn shook her head.

"I can't hear you, Rachel."

"Yes, you can! Of course you can hear me, you're Quinn Fabray, you can do anything! You're head cheerio, you're unstoppable, you're invincible, you're the most popular girl in the school!"

Quinn shook her head again.

"No."

Rachel's face grew panicked and her arms began to shake.

"No Quinn, you don't get to do this to me. Not now. You can't, it's not fair and I'm not settling for this. You're gonna answer me because you can hear everything I'm saying right now and there's nothing wrong with you, understand? Now answer me, what's your name?"

All Quinn could see was Rachel's body, so close to hers, convulsing at the edges. Tears, freely streaming down her face, her voice, probably breaking from the strain. But Quinn wouldn't know. She couldn't hear it. Then Rachel was shaking her, willing her to respond. It hurt.

"Rachel, please, I don't understand, I can't-"

Rachel's hand covered Quinn's mouth, and she saw, rather than heard, Rachel break down in front of her. She felt, rather than heard, Rachel's weight press into her body, and in that moment, Quinn felt like she was holding the world on her shoulders. Rachel Berry's frame propped against her own, trembling, wavering like a candle in the wind, ready to go out, and Quinn had to cover her up with her hands to keep her warm.

In that moment, Quinn knew that she would never get to hear Rachel's heavenly voice again, never get to hear Santana's sarcastic comebacks or Brittany's amusing remarks, Puck's inappropriate pick up lines, Sue's terrorising threats, Mr. Schue announcing draining glee assignments, Finn praying to grilled cheese sandwiches, or her parents promising to come and hear her sing. Never hear the sound of her own voice, telling Rachel that she had finally figured out the reason that she picked on her so relentlessly was because she loved her.

From this moment onward, things would never be the same again.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: This was originally a one-shot, but the comments inspired me a LOT:) Thanksh^^Y So I'll be continuing it a little. I find it's always a challenge to write about heart-breaking things, but there is a certain appeal to them, and the hope to set everything right again. StrawberryM xo**

* * *

The last thing Quinn remembered before she ran away was Rachel's tormented eyes, and the tears that silently slid down her cheeks.

Rachel had gripped her so hard when Quinn tried to peel her arms away it had frightened her.

She had felt Rachel's mouth moving upon her shoulder, uttering words she couldn't hear. And she had felt Rachel's iron grip encasing her, like her life depended on it.

The last time someone had gripped her like that was when she was a little girl. She had sneaked out of home to go to the circus that her mum and dad had forbidden her to see. Circuses were for crazy people, they said. But young Quinn found them absolutely mesmerising, so when the opportunity presented itself to her, she took it. She followed the large crowds, the music growing louder and louder. It sounded so beautiful, that without looking, she began to cross the road to reach the entrance on the other side.

There was a scream behind her, loud beeps from everywhere, and the next thing she knew someone was yanking her back forcibly. She blinked her eyes a few times, not quite understanding what had just happened.

"You almost got killed! You better watch out next time. I might not be there to save you."

Quinn glanced at her saviour-a small child dressed in a tiger's outfit.

"Um, I'm sorry. Thank you, I guess. For saving me."

The tiger child shrugged and went off, disappearing into the crowd.

Her whole life had been like that, full of close encounters that always ended in near misses.

But this time, her luck had run out.

"No, Quinn, don't just leave me here please, I can't...I just can't be alone right now. God Quinn, please tell me this is a dream. Just tell me it's all some stupid practical joke and that when I wake up, we'll go back to normal with all the insults and slushies. Please?"

Quinn pulled back slightly to see her face. She watched her dab at the wetness with her fingers, not quite believing how Rachel still managed to be beautiful even when she was crying.

"Say something. Anything! Anything, Quinn. Anything at all."

Slowly, nervously, she reached out with her hand and placed it on Rachel's cheek.

It felt warm, and soft. But her hand was cold, like always, and she saw Rachel flinch when it touched.

She felt disappointment surge through her, but stifled it instantly. She hadn't ever given Rachel any reason to trust her, so she shouldn't be expecting anything now.

"I'm sorry."

And as she said the words, she began to feel a watery film cover her eyes. Through the blurry lenses she could see Rachel's raised eyebrows, pulling together in the middle. Her lips parted so she could speak, but instead, Quinn watched her hand, trembling as it rose to cover her own.

"Quinn?"

As soon as Rachel's fingers brushed against her hand, Quinn's heart lurched, and every ounce of feeling she had been trying to suppress for so long suddenly sprang to life. Rachel's touch, so gentle, and good, like her heart. Those deep brown eyes gazing at her, pure, and full of unconditional love.

"Quinn, I'm gonna count to three, and when I do I want you to repeat after me, ok?"

Rachel nodded at her with that pained smile that broke Quinn deep inside, crushed her. She couldn't leave Rachel like this. She wouldn't leave her with the belief that she hated her, when the only thing she wanted was to see her beautiful smile.

"One..."

Quinn reached with her other hand to cup Rachel's face, and felt her whole body shudder.

"Two..."

Rachel kept staring at her with her fathomless eyes, seemingly unaware of Quinn's face inclining towards her own.

"Thre-"

Quinn fought back her tears as she slowly, tenderly connected their lips, sighing into Rachel's mouth, and it felt like something finally clicked into place. This was the only way she could show her how much she meant to her. Because from now on, actions spoke louder than words. Rachel didn't try to push her away, but when Quinn pulled back she felt her hand fall away from her own and her expression change to one of anguish. In her eyes there was suffering, suffering that she had caused.

She couldn't bear it.

She turned away from Rachel and began to run, all the way down the corridor until she reached the end and slammed the doors behind her, and kept running until she knocked into someone.

"Owww, watch where you're going, ya jer-Q!?"

Quinn's head was burning, she couldn't face anybody else right now.

"You've been avoiding me and Britt like the plague lately! Honestly, what's the matter with you?"

She felt a hand land on her shoulder.

"Earth to Quinn! If you skip another cheerios practice Sue's gonna kill you. And the fact that you're not responding with some excuse is freaking me out a little."

Santana. Quinn swallowed when she looked up to catch her profile. She looked concerned, confused.

"Whoa, have you been crying? Who is it? Do you need me to beat them up?"

Quinn bit down on her lip and tried to make out what she was saying.

"Ok, Q. It'd be real nice if you could get out of that little world you lock yourself up in when you're upset and speak. Right about now."

It just looked like lips moving and teeth flashing. Strings of meaningless symbols.

"S-Santana, I can't hear you."

She rolled her eyes.

"Right. And pigs fly. Look, how about we go down for practice and you can tell me all about it over there?"

"S-Santana, I-"

"Britt just texted me. Said Sue's early, and she's extra cranky today, so we better get a move on cos-"

"I think I'm deaf."

Santana narrowed her eyes skeptically.

"You're joking, right?"

Quinn's tears renewed, and lifted Santana's hand away from her shoulder. She felt strangely light-headed as soon as the words escaped her mouth, but at least she had said them.

"Alright," She said, crossing her arms, "What's 1 + 1?"

Quinn felt her body trembling and she took a step back.

"No way. You're not being serious, are you?"

Her face suddenly lost its colour.

"Oh God. You really can't hear me, can you?"

Santana's hands covered her mouth and she fell back on the door, her body sliding down to the ground.

"Oh my God. Oh my God."

Quinn didn't need to hear her to know that she understood. She knew. Quinn turned away, for the second time, and ran.

She kept wiping her tears, but they wouldn't stop. Something inside her was tearing, ripping apart at the seams and she couldn't stop it. She was sixteen. Sixteen years old, and things like this didn't happen to sixteen year olds. And especially not sixteen year olds like her. She was head cheerleader. She was beautiful. She got good grades. Her parents had her on a pedestal.

This had to be a mistake.

She had reached her car, and opened the door quickly so she could jump in and get away from everyone.

She'd prove it to herself. She was Quinn Fabray, of course she wasn't really deaf. She put the keys in the ignition and listened for the familiar revving of the car. When it didn't come, she took a deep breath and turned the music volume up to maximum. Nothing. Now she was afraid. Laughing nervously through her tears, she drove the car out of school without looking back.


	3. Chapter 3

For Quinn, home was never truly a place she could call home. Home should be the place where you can breathe easy, and slink into the living room couch at the end of a long day with a cup of milk and biscuits. Instead, it was the place where she had to hold her tongue, and agree with her parents opinions even when she knew there was something inherently wrong with them. She had to sit like a lady, and if she so much as slipped up a fraction with her table etiquette, her mother would frown at her.

That was one person she could never face like this. Quinn was well aware, that if Judy Fabray had the slightest inkling of what was going on with her, she'd be treated just like her poor old grandmother.

So when Quinn finally exited her car, it was with trepidation that she made her way up to the front double doors of the Fabray mansion. She gazed at her hand momentarily. This hand, of noble upbringing, was now the hand of a traitor. A deaf traitor who would never even have the courage to tell her parents the truth. She would hide it, this invisible impediment. And she would hide it so well that her parents would never dream of disowning her.

Right hand shaking, she pressed her finger to the doorbell.

"Fabray residence. Oh, it's you Quinnie. I'll open the door up for you. We have an unexpected guest for dinner, so it's best we make her feel...welcome."

The cold voice echoed through the intercom, and Quinn saw the door unlock.

* * *

"No, mother dearest, I said how is your **knitting** going?"

It was the third time Judy had asked the question. Grandma Fabray's hearing aids must have been malfunctioning again.

"What is it? Oh, my knitting! Why yes, that`s just er..."

Judy sighed in frustration. Sometimes she wondered why she put up with Russell's mother, who had reached that particular stage in her Alzheimer's where she could hardly complete a proper sentence anymore.

She watched her fumble awkwardly with her fork, unsuccessfully trying to spear a roast potato, and instead striking the plate.

"Dolores!" Judy screamed, snatching the fork from her wizened hand. "What did I say about damaging my china! Do you honestly not realise how valuable this is!?" She glared at her relentlessly.

Grandma Fabray's face slumped and her hand fell to the table to resume its resting tremor. She was so close to feeding herself this time. Perhaps if she had succeeded she'd be on good terms with her daughter in law again, just like the good old days. The days when Russell hadn't hit the bottle and he still made an effort to visit. Those days were like shadows, dancing in her memory. These days, all she felt was bleakness and misery, and her only ray of sunshine among it all was her one granddaughter, that beautiful golden cherub with the happy smile. Her eyes flickered upward when she spotted blonde hair swishing through the doorway.

"Quinn Fabray!"

She cried excitedly. She found it strange when Quinn didn't look up to greet her, and wordlessly sat down in the large wooden chair next to her. The child seemed distracted, perhaps torn over something important.

"Quinnie dearest, we have the unexpected pleasure of dining with your grandmother this evening."

Judy motioned over in her grandmother's direction with an air of dignity. Quinn followed her hand with her eyes and realised she was asking her to greet her grandmother.

"Hello, Dolores." Quinn said slowly, noting the curious expression on her face.

"Good. Now that we have all the formalities out of the way, would you be a dear and fetch yourself a plate Quinnie?"

Quinn glanced around the room nervously. Her father wasn't here. Typical. She shook her head and turned to face her mother, who wore a puzzled expression.

"Oh I'll get uh, I'll get it." Grandma Fabray cut in, and accidentally knocked the water jug off the table as she stood up.

"DOLORES!"

Judy's attention was diverted now, and she was furious. She had purchased that jar at an antiques auction, the only one left of its kind, and now it lay in thousands of pieces on the floor, shattered.

"Look what you've done!" She screamed, pouring out all her anger, "You see this?" She said, picking up a larger piece of broken glass. "This is the possession of someone who understands quality. _Class. _And those, Dolores, are things you do not, and never will understand. Now clean it up. Quinnie dearest, let's not have our evening ruined any further. You can go upstairs to your room until your grandmother's done fixing her mess, alright?"

Judy flashed a quick smile before she spun around and strode out of the room, her designer earrings swaying majestically.

Quinn looked up at her grandmother, who stood rooted to the spot, trembling.

She was confused.

Her mother had been angry, shouting at her grandmother for breaking the jar. Then she had turned to her and smiled. She watched her grandmother's hunched body shuffle over to the pink plastic broom in the corner. Judy had asked her to clean it. This wasn't the first time her grandmother had broken something, and each time she did, her mother had screamed at her for being useless and clumsy. Quinn felt her insides churn. Her mother-_Judy _had forbidden her from helping her. Because it was _her_ mess. That stupid old woman's mess.

The good for nothing _deaf_ lady.

Shaking, Quinn stepped over to where her grandmother was and reached out for the broom.

"Quinn Fabray."

Dolores said, quietly, gripping her hand to stop her.

Suddenly her grandmother's eyes were locked on her own, and Quinn felt very, very small.

"You can't hear me, can you?"

Quinn watched her mouth, opening and closing. It felt like watching a movie without sound. She felt tears welling up in her eyes, and looked down her at feet in shame. She was a disgrace to the family name. She didn't want to be. But she was just like the woman who was holding onto her hand. Her grandmother's hand removed its hold on her, but Quinn didn't move. She couldn't. She saw her reach into the pockets of her favourite cardigan, pull out a scrunched piece of paper, and begin to write. She thrust the paper into Quinn's hand and nodded. Quinn swallowed and let her gaze fall over the scribbled letters.

_Quinn Fabray. You can't hear me, is that right?_

Quinn looked back up at her with questioning eyes, and fell back onto the frame of a chair with one hand. Her entire sixteen year old being was gripped with dread, a terror so real and inescapable that it was more horrible than her worst nightmares. She felt warmth on her cheeks, and when she felt her grandmother's thumb brush under her eye she realised she was crying. She forced herself to stand back up straight, and quickly scribbled something back, her tears staining the paper.

_I'm not like you. This isn't me. Things like this don't happen to people like me. It's a mistake._

She handed it back, and watched her grandmother nodding again before she replied.

_Quinn Fabray. Being deaf isn't what you think it is. A lot of things in this life aren't. But I want you to know something. I loved you before today. You were my beautiful golden cherub. And after today, the only thing that will have changed is that you won't be able to hear me tell you how much I love you._

When Quinn finished reading the sentence her arms felt weak, and the strangest of sensations gripped her as she looked into Grandma Fabray's eyes and was met with not judgement, but understanding. Her head was pounding, and she felt herself sobbing uncontrollably. Admitting her weakness meant letting go of her pride, and right now, that was the only thing she had. That was what made her a Fabray-her absolute intolerance to failure, her resolute, indomitable spirit that had gotten her so far in life. She couldn't be a failure. Yet here she stood, those very foundations smashing to pieces just like the glass jar. She swallowed loudly.

"You...you can't tell anyone."

Her grandma smiled kindly, and Quinn felt her head slump down again. The same woman she and her parents had ridiculed and berated for her inadequacies wasn't even angry at her. Instead, she was reassuring her that she loved her.

_I'm good at keeping secrets._

And when Quinn felt soft arms embrace her tightly around her waist, she squeezed back as tightly as she could.


End file.
